that's why i love you (scroll down to the second article)

Gaelito 1 : Robert 0

bloody hell

Date:	2005-02-14 09:12
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	aggravated

'you'll end up badly', he told me, 'once you've started watching BAFTA awards'. haha, i know.

Anyway, i still watch it. Gael in his shiny black suit (he has two suits that he wears to awards etc - one blue velvet, and one black silky one). well, he doesn't get any awards (MD gets best foreign film, and Walter salles makes whole cast to go to the stage with him and says 'thanks for inventing football').

but while in the begining i announce bitterly that 'poor diego must be jealous', as i assume that rodrigo de la serna (who's nominated for his role as Alberto) is sitting next to him, as they show their faces close-up together).

then, for a second, my attention is somewhere else, and he asks 'Isn't it the Tenoch guy sitting next to Gael?'. ah, and Tenoch guy, clean shaved, extremely elegant in black and looking awefully disappointed when Jamie foxx wins best actor, is sitting next to his green-eyed girlfiend.

and when he thinks that camera is zooming off their faces to show the stage, he puts his hand on Gael's knee. but the camera stays there for couple of more seconds and even manages to capture how the green-eyes boy turns red.
(then i imagine that they'll be gutted and behave like Julio and Tenoch at the wedding and spill drinks on Scorcese's white suit).

Date:	2005-02-09 22:59
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	annoyed
Music:	snatch on TV. '2 minutes turkish'

he was gone. really. whoring around, making others obsessed.
then he remembered me, you know, he's loyal.
and he showed up, just like a lost fox, just serious like this
and that pic made my heart stop.


and i realised that he was never gone. just under the floorboards, like the dog in amores perros. or teno the rat behind the closet.

Date:	2005-02-07 21:26
Subject:	so meaningless. but then so ill
Security:	Public
Mood:	sore
Music:	Baby come on home, zep, the best cure against anything.

can one talk to own headache?
convince it to go away?
please?

SO I DREAM OF COOL FINGERS AND WARM LIPS ON MY FOREHEAD, WHICH WILL HEAL ME.

and this is the day i thought i can breathe. because the green-eyed boy is gone to visit Teno and Zoso.

'There was a time
I used to call you my very o-own
We were so happy, woman
talking hours and hours over telephone...' complains my golden god on realplayer, and i think of cool water, AQUA, such a pretty word. green and blue. and want to dive in and stand in the water just like Julio.
(then the word 'green' and Julio remind me ...and the headache is back. welcome).

'i'm your pain when you can't feel'.

a veeeeeeery drunk and tired one
but to tell you ladies and gentlemen

that i love:
gooooooood food
goooooooood red wine
also the aubergine salad only i can make
then my pregnant pics
pete dohery and even kate moss (ok ok i don't really mean it)
then the noisy guys playing cards in the next roooooooooooom
sailors, drunken or not, (and misteriously silent today)
my bracelet
that my friend told me i'm like saba, because i'm everywhere
the photo which is in front of me - knock knock, something scary in the window or something liek that she calls it
whoever invented internet and Lj
the guy who kissed diego in ytmt, i don't remember his nammmmmmmme. really

and the fact that i'm going to bed now after long day, full of some people and deprived of others
i love all of this.

and my red tshirt, which used to have a bruce lee pin to cover its brand embarassingly famous. the only pin i have is too precious to stick anywhere so i keep it in my baaag.

i'm so tired that can't force myself to do anything meaingful. like watching velvet goldmine again as intended. or write the promised long email. or read that stupid book i'm trying to finish. or do my nails.

so i talk talk talk talk talk over the phone.

so i thought 'let's do a stupid entry'. so waht am i doing. so half-dressed, hald-undressed, (meaning, a 'turn me on' tshirt and nothing else); sunflower seeds (i'm addicted to them). glass of Medoc (it was discovered last week that i've drunk ALL Rioja, so i stick to fucking Medoc which i don't like. but too lazy to go and get another drink).

ah, what else (if, of course, somebody cares). everybody left me alone today. sleeping, playing poker, spending time with their moms and watching mr bond. so i'll go to bed and pretend that i'm reading 'the curious incident of teh dog in the night-time' but in reality i'll be wondering what crazy wild-eyed pete dohery is up to because he's my new love and just out of jail.

shall i post a pic of gaelito? a real smartass one? ok ok, i'll spare you this time. you've seen enough.

ah, then i'm opening my notebook. it reminds me about a lot of things i have to do, such as pay for my new carpet. and then it has two sheets of pretty pink papers with song names on them. theatre tickets and a photograph. it all makes me tiiiiiiipsy. so i kiss you all goodnight and off to read the sms i got from my love.

My Gods
My Idols
My Loves

i've just heard (and seen) Gael telling to a journalist:
'I ADORE DIEGO. DOING YTMT WITH HIM WAS THE BEST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE'.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. MARRY STUPID BOYS.

Gael will be the prettiest bride ever. And Diego so handsome in a dark Zegna suit. (i'll tell him that personally when i see him in May)

those ridiculously bright eyes

i was taught yesterday how to send the demons and ghosts away. by pretending that you are one of them, and you and haunt them too. but they are too many, my sailor, and they wouldn't listen to me. and i'm a fucking retard and they're still here, whole bunch of them, laughing so loudly at me.

i hate i hate i hate

only thing which pleases me today is the sound of a bracelet against the keyboard when typing.

ah, i'll go and see whether i can force myself to make some coffee.
and i lost all my songs. some evil force replaced the things i love. everything sounds stange, foreign and hostile. Robert who?

Babe, baby, baby, I'm Gonna Leave You.
I said baby, you know I'm gonna leave you.
I'll leave you when the summertime,
Leave you when the summer comes a-rollin'
Leave you when the summer comes along.

Baby, baby, I don't wanna leave you,
I ain't jokin' woman, I got to ramble.
Oh, yeah, baby, baby, I believin',
We really got to ramble.
I can hear it callin' me the way it used to do,
I can hear it callin' me back home!

It was really, really good.
You made me happy every single day.
But now... I've got to go away!

(although it's a fucking lie as i would never have the guts)

mascara

Measuring a summer's day,
I only finds it slips away to grey,
The hours, they bring me pain.

Tangerine, Tangerine,
Living reflection from a dream;
I was her love, she was my queen,
And now a thousand years between.

Thinking how it used to be,
Does she still remember times like these?
To think of us again?
And I do.

------------
some of them still remembering that i'm getting a year older today
some them calling
some of them not
some of them emailing the sweetest words
some of them getting their wives to call
some of them sending songs as a present
some of them simply unaware
some of them ignoring that they remember
some of them reminding me about love every hour
and just two of them
two of them
two of them
love me

forgot where i stole it from but nevermind:

Leave me an anonymous comment with:

One secret

One compliment

One complaint

Something reminds you of me(you can't say Gael)

Something about Gaelito my green-eyed demon

And a hint to who you are

Date:	2005-01-04 10:26
Subject:	so i'm going to disappear for some time......
Security:	Public
Mood:	touched
Music:	butcher blues

so my new year brought me:
1. motorcycle diaries
2. bad education
3. 6 new t-shirts with slogans so i don't have to talk but wear one each day according to my mood. seriously. i've been sticking to that for whole last week and must have been only person turning up to christmas and new year parties in t-shirts.
4. realisation (and extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeme pride) that I'm still missed even when two pretty schoolboys do everything to take lousia to Heaven's Mouth.
5. my son is the most beautiful
6. swollen and painful wrist
7. doubts (AGAIN!) about 'to go or not to go' to Almeida theatre.
8. and coppery highlights in my hair

and zillions of nightmares about gael gael gael gael gaelito alberto granado, curt kobain, my friends, my mum, dark streets of krakow, drowning in the north sea, pretty boys and lost foxes.

pretty boys with pretty names, happy birthday.

david jude law
diego luna alexander

teach me how to miss people, please? somebody. i'll do anything in exchange. just explain what's the non-paranoid way of missing people. missing fatales.

actually there is a reason. a quote i read from Almodovar:

'Gael's melancholic eyes, full of determination, dwell a place you ignore and cannot share'
Pedro, you did this me, didn't you. bloody pedro. couldn't you pick somebody else? without melancholic eyes. which dwell a place understandable for everybody.

( Read more... )

to unintended loves, the fatale ones, who turn up unexpectedly, without warning and blind us with their whatever colour eyes, or drink port, August 13, October 13 or February 24

Unintended

You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I'll always love
You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I'll always love

I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before

First there was the one who challenged
All my dreams and all my balance
She could never be as good as you

You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You should be the one I'll always love

I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before

god, what are you doing to me girls?

my eyes were just dry from yesterday's icon made for me.

and today i have this to make my heartbeat faster again.

and how can i ever start explaining how i love that icon.... that among 126598754 icons of him i would Chose That one for me?

*shows off her yet another new icon. especailly made for her*

(and yes! yes! yes! whole world is feeding my addictions today as i'll have motorcycle diairies DVD tomorrow. Pirat shops of moscow rule! and the guys who spend 2 days in thsoe shops and don't mind -15C cold and missing important meetings!)